viewpoint - How can I ensure my POV character's writing isn't too sophisticated?

I am writing a piece which features two POV characters. A conceit of the story is that the POVs are writing their chapters, so each one reflects not just their personality, but how my characters would actually write.

One of my POVs is very sophisticated and cultured, and I have endowed his writing with complex sentences and sesquipedalian words and fancy references.

The other character however, is not a native English speaker (though she is fluent), and an average high school student in terms of writing ability. in addition, I want her writing to have an informal, almost conversational tone. Her chapters have been difficult to write, because I tend towards complex sentences and fancy references. As a preliminary step, I've tried banning semicolons from her writing, but I often find myself re-reading my own work and thinking, "No 18 year old would write this."

How can I ensure this character's writing is age and background appropriate, when my own writing is very different?

Answer

Boy does this sound familiar! I struggled for a year trying to coloquialize my YA characters. Every week, I would bring a new sample to my writing group. It became a standing joke, guess how old my POV characters is! The group's conscensus never got within a decade of my targetted age.

Then I received the suggestion which I will share with you now...

Buy a digital voice recorder.

Write your sophisticated character with a keyboard, carefully refining every sentence, phrase and word. Write your non-native character using only your own spoken words. Talk fast! Don't pause to find the right words. Instead, pour our thoughts out in words as if someone were fighting with you for the microphone.

Later, when you're transcribing the recording into your story, keep your fingers off of the backspace key and try your best to capture your words without adjustment or replacement. Yes, you are allowed to drop the "umm's" and extra "and's", but try to limit any other restructuring to grammar only. Finally, keep all your contractions! Dropping apostrophes, increases the formal correctness of any narrative, so for this charcter's words, don't drop them.

You will not believe how less literate you are when you limit yourself to spoken words.