In my setting, a city was founded by people from all over the world, and developed in almost complete isolation (long version here). The story in itself starts several generations after the foundation. All inhabitants of the city have mixed origins, but not enough time has passed for an “average physical appearance” to emerge.
When writing my first test scenes, I found myself describing in too many details the appearance of my characters. For now, my solution is to make the diversity of the city population clear early in the story, and to give only a couple of physical traits to each main character.
But I have the same problems with my crowd descriptions. They end up either full of purple stuff, too dry or just plainly awkward.
For example, I’ve tried describing skin tone with colors only, but it’s not very evocative. I’ve also tried comparisons, using minerals (copper, terra cotta, etc.), plants (wood, flowers, etc.), weather stuff (clouds, sea, etc.) or even food (chocolate, honey, etc.)...
It was the worst.
I just don’t know how to show the variety of skin tone, hair color & curliness, eyes shapes, etc.
What guidelines should I use to convey the image of a diverse crowd and to show the physical appearance of my main characters while avoiding purple prose and awkward comparisons?
EDIT
Quick translation of some of the descriptions I'm not happy with:
The stranger at the kitchen table looked up from her newspaper. She had a thin face splattered with chocolate freckles and flanked by two big round ears.
In the door frame stood a little old man with a closed face and hair like a storm cloud.
When Adda stepped on the deck, she was greeted by a sailor leaning against the parapet, sipping a bowl of coffee almost as dark as his skin.
Her long oiled hair made her look like she was coming back from a swim in the nearest canal. This impression was accentuated by the sweet and sickly smell following her.
He was a man of dignified attitude and slow gestures. His daughters and him shared the same delicate features, the same golden skin, the same brown freckles and the same thick black hair, but not the same ears. The girls had their mother’s ears.
A sentence trying to show the population diversity :
A fever of merchants and buyers filled the market place. Here, one circular look offered the full palette of all the colours, faces and hair métissage * could create.
* (Not sure how to translate it, mixing maybe?)
Answer
There are a number of solutions that I have for this, as I suffered from the same problem:
- Only describe what you need to
Imagine trying to describe James Bond to someone. You could say that he is handsome, looks good in a suit, and has an athletic build. This could be enough to get a good image in the reader's head, and could describe any of the actors that played James Bond.
Describing someone down to the last detail is generally quite boring for a reader to endure, and they will likely picture something else in their head anyway. It's also very difficult to ingest all of that information and assign it to a single character, so the reader may overlook details of the character that become important later in the story. Rather, just say the important details, those that will help to describe the more unique aspects of a character, and the reader can fill in the rest of the details.
I tend to go for around 3-4 pieces of description that would distinguish a character from John/Jane Everyman. Heavyset, red-haired, tall, muscled, just enough for the reader to distinguish that character from any other that they may read about. If something insignificant like a character's eye-color becomes important later on in the story then mention it as an extra attribute after the description, as it will not be enough to get a good picture of someone on it's own.
- Introduce characters gradually
It's easy to get details between characters mixed up, especially when they're described close together. Needing to describe what 5 people look like on a page can make a reader easily forget which person is the redhead, who is the person with the large nose and who only wears black clothes.
The best way to do this, particularly if the requirement is that many characters are to be introduced at once, is to stagger the introductions. Have someone approach the character first, have a small interaction to cement that character into the mind of the reader, then introduce another afterwards.
If introducing two people at once, it is best if they are completely different or very similar. This way it is easiest to describe how they are different from each other, again allowing the reader to remember them with minimal extra description needed.
The cliched introduction to a team of people, where one person goes round introducing the newcomer to each member whilst they are performing a specific task, is overused because it works. It immediately cements that Max is the blacksmith, Helen is the archer and Dave is the wizard. This then distinguishes each of them without having to go into too much detail until later in the story when they can be described separately.
- Descriptions for wider groups
This may help with your issues of having different groups of people that don't fit a single description. Describing a specific trait that is prevalent across an entire group/ family means that it never really needs to be brought up again. After a single clarification, everyone knows that Lannisters have blonde hair, Weasleys have red hair, and elves have pointy ears. That description isn't usually needed again.
You can introduce a group and describe them as having a specific set of characteristics, or describe a single person and specify that a particular feature that they have is prevalent among the group to which they belong: "She had the dark curly hair that was the trademark of her race, however she was much taller than rest of her kin, as they were generally of a much shorter stature."
Whenever someone of that group is then identified, other descriptions of that individual can be used, and the reader will know to assume that they are similar to the rest of that group, rather than having to reiterate that each person of a specific race looks a particular way.
- POV perspective
If you're writing from the perspective of a character, remember that they would only notice things that they would be likely to notice. So they would not think about or be amazed at things that they are used to, but the reader is not.
This means that, as in your story where every person looks quite different and unique, no one would generally comment on it, as for them it is not out of place. However, they may comment on something that is out of place for them, and explain why it's out of place.
For example, seeing a group of people who look similar and explaining "I've never seen so many people who look so alike before..." would get across to the reader that most people are supposed to look quite different. This means that the need for awkward exposition, such as "everyone looked incredibly different and individual, as expected," is completely bypassed.
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