Hello guys I'm sending a prospective email to a venue, regarding an event that I want to organise. But I'm unsure of my approach in firstly asking the question (it sounds out of place), and just the general tone of the email. The email is as follows:-
To Whom It May Concern,
My name is _________________ and I'm contacting you on behalf of [brand], a microblogging platform and social networking website which allows users to post multimedia and other content to a short-form blog.
Through brand exclusivity, discounts and freebies, we aim to engage our target market and attract them to our e-commerce store, and we feel your venue is perfectly aligned geographically and functionally to fulfil this.
With this in mind, are there any renting vacancies available in June 2014? If so, could we please speak to a representative to submit our full business proposal?
Thank you for your time. I look forward to your prompt and favourable reply. If you have any questions regarding this enquiry please contact me at _____________ or by email at contact@example.com
Yours Faithfully,
Andrew
Answer
You sound like you're trying to seduce them -- all you want to know is whether they have availability for a booking of their facility.
Honestly, if I got an email like that I'd say "No" just based on my assessment that you're trying to be my best friend, not engage in a business transaction.
Dear Sir,
I represent ...., and we are looking for a venue for an event in [insert time period]. We would need the following facilities:
...
Can you please confirm what availability you have in this period that would be suitable, and a rate guide.
Regards, ...
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