I'm writing a short story with the following structure:
B tells A she is gravely sick and wants to be alone (present)
A talks about how he met B in a hospital (flashback)
A talks with his friend about B's call (present)
A talks about how he continued seeing B after they met at the hospital (flashback)
A locks himself in his room (because of B) and starts getting sick (present)
A talks about how he and B finally got together (flashback)
A continues getting sick (present)
And so on.
As you can see, each scene alternate between present and flashback (and follow a chronological order).
The only story I've read which have such structure is All God Children Can Dance by Haruki Murakami.
I didn't find the structure particularly annoying. But I'm not sure about other readers.
Would it be annoying for the reader if I write a short story with a structure like this? What other alternatives could I use?
Answer
The answer to any non-traditional story pattern is... it depends. Why do you want to adopt this format?
Most stories are written in a straight-forward chronological order because this is how we normally experience events and it is what the readers expect. It can be jarring as a reader to learn at the end of the story some basic fact everyone in the story knew all along. If you aren't planning on 'hiding the ball,' then you need some other logical reason for the layout. For example, if you want to emphasize the parallels between the events, this style could work very well.
In the end, it depends on your ability as a writer. Try it. If it doesn't work, you've learned something, and may be able to change to a standard chronology later. If it does work, you might have something special. Either way, you don't have anything to lose but a little time.
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