Friday, March 18, 2016

fiction - Alternatives to "he said" in dialogue



I'm working on my first fiction story. And one mechanical thing I struggle with is how to identify the speakers in dialog without constantly saying "Bob said", "Mary said", etc. Any ideas?


That is, I hate to write,



"I found an important clue," Bob said.


"What was that?", Sally said.


"The killer left behind a glove," Bob said.


"Perhaps we can identify him from fingerprints or DNA," Sally said.



Etc. Said, said, said.


I've tried varying up the verb. Saying "Jack replied" or "Sally exclaimed". That works to some extent, but I feel like it stands out to much. It's too obvious that I'm just doing it to avoid saying "said" all the time.



I've read many books where they leave out the speaker's name, just give the alternating dialog. But even when there are just two speakers this can get confusing, I often find myself saying, wait, which person said this? And if there are three or more characters in the conversation, you can't just count the odds and evens to figure out who's speaking.


I just came across a suggestion somewhere to make each character's speech distinct enough that it is obvious who is speaking. I can think of examples where that would work, like if one character is supposed to be a foreigner and so speaks in broken English, we probably don't need to identify him too often. Maybe another character is the mad scientist and always uses technical-sounding language. But beyond that, how can you do this without it sounding fake?


Other ideas?



Answer



There's two main techniques I use. Mix and match as appropriate for your story.




  • The simplest one: for a conversation between two people, don't give attributions like "he said", but just state it. If it's going to be a lengthy conversation, you can also throw names into their speech.



    "Hey Sally, check it out - I found an important clue!"



    "What's that?"


    "The killer left behind a glove."


    "You think we can identify him from fingerprints or DNA, Bob?"





  • For something more elegant, you can replace the attributions with actions. It conveys more of what is happening in the scene, and perhaps within your characters' minds as well. This works quite well for conversations with many people. I've exaggerated a bit below - you probably wouldn't want to qualify every single piece of speech with an action. A few sprinkled here and there would be enough to make the speaker clear.



    "I found an important clue!" Bob held up a scrap of cloth and turned to Sally with a grin.


    From where Sally stood, the cloth could have been anything. She squinted, but couldn't make out what it was.



    "What's that?"


    He shook it around wildly, like a dog that had found a new shoe. "The killer left behind a glove!"


    Sally's heart quickened, and she raced over to examine it closely for herself. "Perhaps we can identify him from fingerprints or DNA!"





Of course, you may simply want to use "he said", "she stated flatly", "she whispered", "he sighed", and the like, from time to time. They're not bad to use, just don't overuse them. Though granted, there are some who will argue that you should just use "he said" the whole time because most readers will skim it (I'm not in that group, fyi :P). See below for an example where you vary it:



"Hey Sal, I think I found an important clue!"


Sally turned toward Bob, who held what seemed to be nothing more than a discarded scrap of cloth.



"What's that?"


"The killer left behind a glove!" His voice was low and excited, as though they were sharing in some kind of conspiracy.


"Of course he did," she said dryly. "Perhaps he was nice enough to leave us fingerprints and DNA on it as well."



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