The "not like other girls" trope is pretty common in young adult fiction, arguably misogynistic, and usually applied to a female protagonist or love interest. Attempts to make a female character strong and unique can very easily end up in this territory, even if the author didn't intend to write their female character like that.
I write superpowered female characters in YA sci-fi/romance fiction, and I want them to be strong, independent, unique girls, without straying into "not like other girls!!!" territory. I don't want them to be copy/paste characters, predictable in nature, or an acre of water an inch deep, per se. How do I keep my characters unique and avoid this trope?
Answer
If you want to avoid showing a character as "not like other girls" then make sure your "other girls" aren't stereotypical.
The trope shows up with female characters who don't fit in. They don't have a lot of female friends, if any. When they do the stuff they like to do, they're surrounded by men. You can praise these characters all you want but the sexism sticks. Because they're doing these fun, intellectual, deeply felt things because they're different.
Don't make them different.
Make your female characters just like some other girls and very different from others. And just like some boys and very different from others. In real life, there's a mix anyway.
Our culture does steer kids from a very young age into male and female roles and activities (even when the parents don't, even when you don't think it's happening), so you'll have some lopsidedness. And that's okay. But for any large group where the social gender pressures aren't too extreme, you will have various genders doing all sorts of things and acting all sorts of ways. Show that.
Girls who like stuff that is more commonly done by boys will seek out other girls who like it too. It's only in TV shows that these girls have no female friends. Ditto boys who like "girl" stuff. Sure, maybe there are some exceptions, but it's not common.
If your female characters aren't actually doing things that most people would identify as "boy stuff", and it's just that they're strong and independent, and that is what makes them "not like other girls," then your problem isn't with your main characters but with your supporting cast. Not everyone is strong, not everyone is independent, but that has little to nothing to do with gender.
Write true to life and balance your characters out. That's how to avoid stereotypes.
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