business writing - Does this sign-up email announcement sound friendly and conversational?

This is version 2 of this post

• The intended audience is from 16-45 m/f, they have given me their email address and will recieve this email because they signed up for a mystery service I'm creating.


• It should sound conversational and have the feeling that you're a part of the team who's making it happen.


• I want it to be approachable, friendly, and inspiring


• It should feel like a friend wrote it to you.


• An acceptable answer if upvoted enough would be, "yah, this sounds great"


• I'm trying to pass this thru layers of criticism so I can make sure it sounds the best to everyone.


• If it comes off a little playful, that's great too, I want the message to live in a disarming context.


• Also, if you know a better structure for the line spacing of the words it would be great to see recommendations

Thanks for signing up for the Tip for Tip beta.

We'll email you when the beta begins, you can see our countdown here.

Because you signed up early, we'll be making you a VIP Member. What does that mean? We aren't sure yet, but we plan to reward our VIPs with special features and other advantages.

Oh, and if you get your friends to sign up before the countdown finishes, we'll make them VIP members, too!

Thanks again.

Cheers,
Kirk and the Tip for Tip team

Answer

1st paragraph:

Use parenthesis instead of the comma:

We'll email you when the beta begins (you can see our countdown here).

Third paragraph:

If you say you're not sure what those special features are, it suggest lack of vision, and that you have no idea what you plan on doing in the future (which comes across as being negative).

I would suggest perhaps writing it something like this:

Because you signed up early, you are now a VIP Member, which means special features and other advantages.